For Ladies Only

At my work, we have a tea box that is randomly filled with the rejects from our donated food. Usually things are run of the mill, you get your earl greys, your breakfasts, your herbal greens. Today we have:

"Absolute Natural: Women's Tea"

Obviously, I was compelled to try it. What made this tea so lady specific? It looked pretty normal in the tea bag and smelled surprisingly like chicken bouillon and celery seeds. When I added the water, the ingredients separated out in a weird way, causing  a white powdery layer to form on the top of the bag that was a little disturbing. I forge onward.

The taste is surprisingly mild and herby- not salty like the smell led me to believe. A little bitter, a little spicy, very complex and a bit sweet. It tasted pretty wholesome while it was hot. But as it cooled it started to get more medicinal and kind of nasty.

I did a little research and found out it contains dong-qui, red dates, and goji berries. I found this on a forum about "natural breast enhancement". Apparently it helps keep your boobies big when you're trying to loose weight.

Dong qui, also known as Chinese Angelica, is a root used in ancient herbal medicine used to treat lady problems (PMS and Menopause), anemia, and fatigue. It's also traditionally associated with causing miscarriages.

Red Dates, also known as jujubes, are a natural sedative/ stress reliever. It's powers also include laxative, anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal, and wound healing properties. It is also a traditional contraceptive!

Finally, Goji berries , also known as wolfberries, are supposedly good for cardiovascular and ocular health. They are a well known trendy "super fruit."

So basically, this stuff is a witches brew of weird medicinal herbs. Also, kills babbys dead.

Get your own here!